Your Love Life Tips

New Beginnings! What to do, What to do?

2007-06-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

Alone again? Perhaps it's time to invent a new beginning. A little "solitary refinement" will help. You can do that most effectively by working on you; preparing for love. . . alone.

There is no shame in starting over.

How do you work on YOU? You begin by paying attention to what you need to be fulfilled as an individual. Focus on YOU! Self inquire!

Here are a few questions to help you get started. Are you happy? Sad? Disappointed in where you are in the relationship you have with yourself? Angry? Resentful? When you are alone, do you feel lonely? Are you always blaming others for what happens to you? Do you have regrets or guilt about the last relationship that didn't work out the way you had hoped it would? Do you know that something is missing in your life and you are not quite sure what it is? Are you always looking back?

Do you know what it feels like to live in the present; to really be present to what is going on? Do you know specifically what you NEED from a relationship? (Have you really ever thought seriously about that? Make a list.)

Are you feeling sorry for yourself? Do you continue to attract the same kind of people from one relationship to the next? Have you yet to reach a point where it becomes pointless to complain because you now know that relationships are what YOU make of them? Have you lost touch with the spiritual side of things?

Have you forgotten to be grateful for what you do have instead of feeling resentful for what you have lost? Do you know down deep inside that there must be something better?

These are just a few questions you can answer that will cause you to begin to understand that no matter how hopeless or how great things appear to be, they can always be better.

What else can you do? Get totally honest with yourself. Start holding yourself accountable for who you are in the matter; how you feel about the way things are. When you do, you will learn that it is time to stop blaming your former love partner and start taking full responsibility for YOUR share of the problems that caused the break-up in the first place.

Relationship problems are NEVER only one person's fault. If they affect you, the problems are shared problems. If you are together, you can work on them together. If you are alone again, you must work on them alone. Of course, you can choose not to, and there are consequences.

When you decide (and only WHEN you decide) to do something different, you must promise yourself (a promise you intend to keep) that you will do everything within your power to be happy instead of holding on to being right. In other words, discontinue justifying what doesn't work and begin to do something different.

Is there more you can do? Read good books about relationships that stimulate your thinking; that inspire you to a better way of living. Attend seminars and workshops, not just about relationships, but those that empower you to change the way you have been. That's the smart choice because the old way didn't work very well, did it?

This could also mean dropping a few of your loser friends. You know who they are. Hanging around people who bring you down does not support a healthy love relationship with you or anyone else. Become involved in a support group; one that supports you in being a better you; one that uplifts your spirit.

Begin to journal. Get honest with how you FEEL about things; how things "really are" instead of how you "think" they are. Write it all down. Be honest with yourself! Spend a lot of time thinking about what's happening right now, instead of dwelling on the past. There is no future in the past. Being concerned about something that has already happened; something you cannot change, keeps you stuck. To begin again; to really move ahead, you must work on YOU! Let go of the past.

What are the benefits of working on YOU? One of the rewards for working on you is that you begin to feel good about who you are! You begin to love you again! Not the self-centered love that distracts you from being loving to others, but a genuine love-of-self; the kind of love you can share with others.

Loving yourself for who you are causes you to feel like a whole person again. When this occurs, you may be ready for another relationship. . . when it shows up. Not before. Unless you work toward this magic moment, you may always continue to be disappointed with the relationships that show up in your life. Opposites do not attract. That's a myth. Remember, like attracts like. You attract to yourself that which you are. You always have. You always will.

If you cannot handle the most important relationship in your life - the one you have with yourself - then you will never be able to truly relate to a relationship with two people in it.

We spent so much of our time being concerned about the relationship we are in with someone else, that we forget about ourselves. This is called "losing yourself in the relationship." This can never be a healthy way of being.

Working on yourself takes discipline, determination and doing something different. For lasting change; the kind of change that makes a difference, you must "change your behavior."

The relationship we have with ourselves and the relationship we have with others takes intentional effort. This, we know is true: "We must work on relationships ALL THE TIME, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed!" Relationships should never become a struggle. They become a struggle when someone is not pulling their fair share of the load.

It is difficult to feel good about yourself, when you know you are letting your love partner down by not giving yourself your full attention. You take care of you - your partner does the same. It's difficult, if not impossible, to pay attention to the overall relationship unless you both know how to focus attention on yourselves first. Two broken people can't fix each other.

You only have the choice to fix you! To invent a new beginning, you must first acknowledge the problems that require solutions. To fix yourself, you must never stray from the path of self-discovery. You must always know where you stand with yourself. The only way you can do this is to be attentive to, and intentional about having the best relationship with yourself that is humanly possible.

When you are ready; when you have given yourself adequate time to prepare for love again. . . a relationship with someone else will be there. You will find each other.

Imagine the possibilities? Two whole, healthy people, together! Each feeling good about themselves; loving themselves and sharing that love with each other. Can you imagine both love partners working on the relationship they have with each other and supporting each other in their own personal growth?

If you believe it, really believe it, and make sure you are always doing the best you can to cause it to be this way. . . anything is possible!

What to do? Don't waste time. Begin again. . . now! Never stop working on YOU!

The 3 BIGGEST Mistakes Newly Singles Make and How to Avoid Them!

2007-06-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

By Larry James

Suddenly, it's clear to you now. The relationship is over! What are you going to do now?

Caution: Don't complicate your life by beginning to date too soon after a break-up. How soon is "too soon?" That will depend upon the circumstances of the breakup. Rule of thumb: Six months or more.

"Or more?" you say. Yes! Six months or more!

When you cut your finger. It takes time for the wound to heal. If the sharp edge cuts to the bone, it may take longer. A thorough healing of a broken heart takes time too.

The biggest mistakes that newly singles can make are things that most singles refuse to believe and, as a result, they soon find themselves experiencing the same relationships as in the past. It is an even bigger mistake to not acknowledge that these colossal blunders really are mistakes. Some of you may have made these mistakes more than once.

I know from personal experience that if you will evade these avoidable errors in judgment, ALL of your relationships will work better.

The biggest mistake that newly singles make is getting involved with someone else before the hurts of the past have healed.

Two closely related mistakes include not taking full responsibility for their share of the problems that caused the breakup in the first place and making sure that those issues are complete before beginning again.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and over and expecting a different result. Knowing your heart needs healing and refusing to do anything about it doesn't help prepare you for the next relationship. It only prolongs the agony.

How can you avoid these mistakes? By living solo for awhile.

Before you can successfully get involved with and have a "healthy" love relationship with someone else, you must first get involved with yourself!

When it comes to analyzing yourself, don't be an ostrich. Get your head out of the sand and take a loooooong look at what you did that may have contributed to the break-up and promise yourself that you will make some changes "prior" to your next relationship.

The time of real personal growth is when you are alone. Singles should use this time to reflect on the behaviors they did and didn't like in their former partner. Create a "romantic résumé" that lists their positive points and what you are looking for in your next mate.

It's time to experience how it feels to stand on your own; taking care of you, paying special attention to who you need to become to attract a passionately monogamous, infidelity-free, fun in the bedroom relationship. You must learn to stand alone again before you can again stand together. . . side by side.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't date, it only means, that when you decide to date, you must resist the urge to become intimately involved with anyone else too soon. This is easier when you date lots of people. Don't grab the first one that comes along. Play the field. Make "having FUN" your only priority.

It requires a lot of effort to be in a healthy love relationship with someone else. You don't need to expend the additional energy it will take to do that AND work on fully recovering from your last relationship at the same time. That's just not smart. When you strain a muscle, good doctors will insist that you give it a rest if you want it to heal. That's smart. Give a monogamous, committed relationship with someone else a rest for now.

Broken relationships take time to heal. The relationship I am talking about is the broken relationship you have with yourself. Not only must you know this, you must acknowledge that there is a problem that needs repair before the healing can begin.

We seem to drift around, not knowing what to do, blaming our ex, our mother- in-law, the cat, everyone but the real culprit.

If you want to know what the problem is in your relationships, it's very simple. Look into the mirror. There it is! You must muster the courage to look the problem straight in the eye and declare your independence from it. It's time to take responsibility for who you are, what you do, how you think, who you date. . . everything.

The most important relationship to you right now is the one you have with you! Rebuilding a relationship with yourself must be your highest priority. This significant first step must occur before you can be who you need to be in another healthy love relationship with someone else. For the time being, spend lots of time working on preparing for love - the love that you will share with someone else in the future.

The problem with moving too quickly to the next relationship is that there needs to be a cooling off period; that time when you begin to look at the real problem and start making some new choices about shedding all of the baggage of the last relationship.

Reinvent a healthy relationship with you! Rediscover who you are! Take some time for yourself. Feel the pain. Acknowledge it. Feel it and know that it is only and always your choice to feel that way. Then do something different! In time, as you begin to acknowledge the mistakes you have made in the past and MOST important, accept responsibility for your share of the problem that caused the breakup, the hurts of the past will begin to heal.

If you also make a conscious decision to resolve not to allow those same problems to happen again, you will begin to feel better about yourself and the pain will ease. In time, you will look back and wonder how you could have let something like that happen to you. You will also wonder how you could have allowed yourself to feel the way you feel right now. You will look back in disappointment. You will be proud that you no longer will allow yourself to grovel in self pity and pain like you did in the past.

Part of the healing is acknowledging that there were indeed problems that you were responsible for. Knowing that is not enough. DOING something different is! For now, working on you is the first key to unlocking a future chock full of infinite possibilities. Whatever you want, wants you too.

It is now time to STOP blaming someone else for the misery you are creating for yourself. It's time to forgive them so the hurt will heal. Nothing is unforgivable. That is only and always your choice too.

The hurts won't heal until you will allow yourself to forgive.

I suppose the real question is: Just how long do you want to feel the way you feel right now?

If you think that he or she was solely responsible because of what they did or didn't do, then you are missing the point. It's time to let go of that and focus on taking full responsibility for the choices that are available to you right now. Blaming others will only and always keep you stuck right where you are.

It will take a new discipline to do this. Can you do it? You must understand that the pain you feel right now is only temporary. Medical science has yet to prove that anyone has ever died from a broken heart. Broken hearts can mend. It takes time and you must do the work. You can do it! And you will do it when the desire to feel better about yourself again becomes stronger than the benefits of holding on to a past that obviously didn't work.

It takes no strength to let go, only courage.

Let the healing begin.

Is Jealousy Destroying Your Relationship?

2007-03-31T11:23:00.000-07:00

By: Michelle E. Vasquez, MS, LPC

Jealousy is a common problem that couples present when they go to counseling. When one partner chooses jealous behaviors, the dynamics of the relationship change. They are no longer a couple in an Adult Relationship. Now they are caught in a cycle of Investigator and Suspect. The Investigator spends an enormous amount of energy checking up on the Suspect, who may or may not be doing anything reprehensible. The Suspect spends time defending and explaining his/her behaviors. They are locked in a pattern which will destroy their relationship and they usually don’t what to do.

Both partners are miserable playing this game. The game is all about Control. "If I don’t check up on her, she'll make me look stupid" or "He'll make a fool of me." People who choose jealous behaviors may not realize that their behavior looks pretty silly or even crazy. Their partner didn't "make" them look stupid.

I was actually told by several women that "all men cheat." If this is your belief, you are probably an Investigator. Problem is: you have to sleep sometime. You can’t chain yourself to your partner. You have decided that you alone are capable of controlling your partner’s behavior. What’s more, it's your Job as his partner to keep him from cheating on you.

What a way to live your life, spending your time spying on each other! Trust is a decision. It’s not based on how the other person acts. If you choose to stay with a partner who is not trustworthy, you are doing so with your eyes open. If you are choosing jealousy without cause, you are doing so to control your partner.

The very things you do to control your partner are the things that will drive your partner away. Are you ready to try something different?

Keep in mind that jealous behavior is a choice you are making. It starts with your thoughts: I wonder where he is. She’s probably with someone right now. Why didn't he call me when he said he would? Why is she wearing that dress? Who was that woman who called him?

These thoughts lead to your behaviors, such as calling excessively (read, more than twice during work hours), listening in on phone conversations, checking phone lists and emails, interrogating your partner, and many other destructive behaviors.

You begin to feel awful after imagining all of the things your partner is doing (these are thoughts; you can change them). You can also change your behaviors if you choose to. If jealously is destroying your relationship, there is hope if you are willing to do the work.
First, if you're with someone who is trustworthy, you can change the thoughts that are plaguing you. Whenever you get those thoughts that start your heart racing, ask yourself the following questions:
What evidence is there that my thought is true?
What evidence is there that my thought is false?
What would someone else say about this thought?
What other explanation could there be?

After you answer these questions, decide what new course of action you will take based on this exercise. Repeat this as often as needed. Hopefully, you will soon find yourself feeling calmer and less ready to play the Investigator and Suspect game.

Article Source: http://activeauthors.com

Michelle E. Vásquez is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice in San Antonio, TX. Visit www.michellevasquez.com for more tips and tools about relationship building and sign up for the free newsletter, Relationship Success, while you're there. Check out these blogs for more articles about relationships: languageofrelating.blogspot.com and awaresingle.blogspot.com.

How to Talk so Your Partner Will Listen

2007-03-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

By: Michelle E. Vasquez, MS, LPC

If you're convinced that you and your partner don't communicate, you may have tried many ways to improve your communication with each other, with poor results. You may think that telling him over and over will do the trick. You may believe that raising your voice will get her to listen. All that results is a shouting match that ends up in hurt feelings and silence, or worse.

You are, in fact, communicating. It's just not working like you want it to. Here is a list of ten ways to improve your interactions with your partner to increase your chances of a successful dialog with each other.

Try them out and be patient with yourselves as you begin this journey. Remember, Michael Jordan didn't become a professional basketball player in a day. It took years of work. So it is with relationships. You learn and work everyday to become the people you want to be, together. Enjoy the journey. It's worth it!

1. Ask to schedule a time to talk. Wait for an answer and thank your partner for agreeing to a time.

2. Set a time limit. This should be no more than an hour, and preferably 15 to 20 minutes. If your partner realizes that you honor her/his time, she will be more willing to do this again (and perhaps for longer next time).

3. Stick to one topic per conversation. This is easier to do if you set a time limit and stick to it. Otherwise, you risk overwhelming your partner. If you want to talk about another subject, ask your partner if it’s all right. If not, ask to schedule another time to talk.

4. Timing is everything: Pick a time when you are both well rested and calm. It's counter-productive to grab your partner as soon as he walks in the door or when she is tired.

5. Use Assertive Language. These are phrases like:
"I would like _____________."
"I don't like ____________."
"I would prefer ___________."
"I feel uncomfortable about ___________."

6. Request what you would like instead of demand. Use questions like:
"How would you feel about __________?"
"What do you think about ___________?"
"Would you be comfortable with __________?"
"Would you consider ____________?"

7. Accept "no" as a valid answer. Your partner has a right to disagree and to say no. When you choose to argue with a "no" answer, you’re saying that it’s not OK for your partner to disagree with you or to say no.

8. Ask for what you want, not what you don’t want. This may seem confusing, but if you're requesting that (not demanding) your partner change behaviors, express it in terms of what you want to happen:
"I would like to make the housework more even. I would like to see you do more ___________. What are you willing to do?"

9. Respect yourself and your partner. Beware of statements that begin with "you." Unless the words "are the most wonderful person in the world," come next, "you" statements often are blaming, labeling, critical statements.

10. Express your appreciation about the things you like that your partner does. Appreciation is the glue of relationships. Your partner will listen to you easier when you give large doses of appreciation on a regular basis. Caution: it won’t work if you only use appreciation when you’re trying to get something done ("I love how you wash the dishes so thoroughly. Oh, look, there’s a sink full now.")

Remember, these are guidelines to help improve your communication skills. They may seem stiff and artificial at first. Keep trying them out and you will develop your own, more effective style as you practice with the people you care about the most!

Article Source: http://activeauthors.com

Michelle E. Vasquez is a Licensed Professional Counselor in San Antonio, TX. She has been in private practice since 2001. She specializes in working with couples with relationship difficulties. Michelle believes that self-growth is of primary importance, since it helps people get close to the people they care about the most. Check out her web site at www.michellevasquez.com and sign up for her free newsletter, Relationship Success, today.

3 Ways to Effective Communication in You Marriage

2007-03-31T11:01:00.000-07:00

By Kausik Dutta

All marriages will have communication problems once in a while. But when poor communication with your spouse becomes a chronic problem, all aspects of your life together can be affected. Read on for some simple communication techniques for common communication issues.

Honesty
Speaking honestly and openly with your spouse may be the most important factor to effective communication. The lack of which may be one of the most basic causes behind conflicts. Before you start to blame your spouse for not being open and honest, take a look at your communication habits. Do you ever:
-Tell your spouse what you think they want to hear just to end the argument?
-Avoid bringing up an issue that’s important to you because it makes your spouse uncomfortable?
-Not ask for what you want directly, instead hoping that they will “figure it out?”
These are just a few of the common communication pitfalls that prevent honest and productive discussions from happening. By avoiding the real issues, for whatever the reason, you are not being honest with your spouse and you are cheating yourself from resolving the problem. Not only will this cause more problems in the future, but you will both feel unsatisfied and you can be sure the argument will surface again. Honest communication means discussing an issue with maturity and respect.

Listening
There is a difference between waiting for your spouse to make a point before you contradict it and actually trying to understand what they are saying. You can’t expect your spouse to take the time to listen to you if you don’t do the same for them. Encourage your spouse to open up to you – and understand that you may have to make the first move. Offering to let your spouse talk first while you listen may help them understand your commitment to a productive conversation. Give feedback as they talk and try to summarize what they have said to make sure you really understand where they are coming from. Your patience and understanding will pay off as they show you the same respect when it’s your turn to open up.

Practice
Once you’ve found what communication tactics work – use them. It may take a while to find out what methods work best, but I bet you already know what doesn’t work. Start with identifying those tactics that don’t get you anywhere; whether it’s be yelling, ignoring, or avoiding the issue. Talk with your spouse and make a resolution to identify and stop the unhealthy and unproductive communication tactics that are restricting you from effective, productive communication. And don’t be afraid to try new communication tactics. Marriage takes a lot of work and practice makes perfect.

For more information on effective communication and conflict resolution, visit http://www.marriagemax.com

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About the author:
For more information on effective communication and conflict resolution, visit http://www.marriagemax.com

Article Source: http://www.Free-Articles-Zone.com

Top ten tips to keep your man interested

2007-03-31T10:55:00.000-07:00

By Gina Michelle

DON'T SUFFOCATE YOUR MAN: I don't mean he should go out to the pub every night without you as this would not be fair to you, but men (and women) do need a certain amount of freedom.

ALWAYS KEEP A LITTLE OF YOURSELF BACK: A certain element of mystery keeps it fresh and is challenging. Let him have enough that he's secure, but not too much that you appear boring or too available!

TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM AT LEAST ONCE A DAY: Men really are big babies on the whole, and it makes them feel special.

BODILY FUNCTIONS ARE A DEFINITE TURN-OFF: Passing wind and belching are very unattractive, and going to the toilet in front of your man really is not necessary. Sharing should not extend to these habits!

DON'T LET YOURSELF GO: This has nothing to do with weight or size - lets face it we come in all packages and who determines what's sexy and what's not. I'm talking about keeping yourself and your hair clean and presentable. This will not only make you feel better about yourself, but also shows that you still care enough to be bothered. You don't have to get all tarted up around the house, just make an effort to look nice and fresh.

BE SPONTANEOUS: Don't be afraid to try something new and exiting - find out your mans innermost sexual fantasies and surprise him - he'll love it and you'll probably enjoy it too. This really helps to keep things spicy.

BUY SOME REALLY SEXY LINGERIE: It will make you feel hot and sexy, and your man will find it irresistible! There are so many sexy and fun styles available on the market right now you'll be spoilt for choice. Look at some lingerie websites with your man - you can have fun choosing it together without subjecting him to the embarrassment of high street shops.

BE GOOD FRIENDS: Listen to each other, have fun and laugh a lot.

KEEP THE MOANING TO A MINIMUM: Moaning really infuriates men so if you have to, moan to your best friend instead.

SHOW AN INTEREST IN HIS HOBBIES: You don't have to take them up yourself, just appear to be interested!

Many thanks for reading - now go forth, apply my rules, and keep your man interested!! Or for those of you trying to get rid of him - just do the opposite!!

http://www.sweetheartsandtarts.com

How to Find Your Soulmate Now (Part Two - Conclusion)

2007-03-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

In part one of this article, I mentioned that there are steps involved in finding your soulmate. These steps are what psychologists and relationship counsellors use to help their clients. To better understand how these steps work, it is essential to realize how the process works. It is not a mystery, if anything what I am about to share with you is something you do very often in your life at a subconscious level. The only difference is that now you will be aware of it consciously. Prior to deciding to undertake changes that will enhance your love life, you are motivated subconsciously by incentive. (What I mean by incentive is what you will gain by finding your soulmate.)

When you think about what you will gain by doing something, for example, if you were to buy a ticket and win the lottery, think of all the things you could buy. When you think about taking a chance and buying a lottery ticket, you are motivated to take action by imaging the outcome. Similarly, as you wonder what it would be like to find your soulmate, fall in love and achieve lasting happiness, this becomes your incentive. Your mind then begins to see and feel the end result even before you act. The end result of finding your soulmate could be elation, bliss, happiness, unconditional love and acceptance. When you think about the incentive, you are driven to act. Then the question becomes how do you go about acting in the right way? This is where the secrets to achieving your heart’s desire come in. This is achieved by setting goals. The goal setting secrets are as follows. At this point I would like you to pretend you are setting the goals right now.

Secret # 1: How would my life change if I were to find my soulmate?

Secret # 2: Where am I going to find the right information to help me find my soulmate?

Secret # 3: When I have used the information to achieve my desire, how will I feel?

Secret # 4: Where in my body and heart will I feel this feeling?

Secret # 5: How will my love life be different when I find my soulmate?

Secret # 6: How will those around me feel about my success?

Secret # 7: I will act right now so that I can find my heart’s desire.

As you can see, the steps are simple. I have simplified them so that you can facilitate the process of falling in love. The above steps are counselling secrets taught to counsellors and psychologists alike. They have been proven scientifically to work miracles. I am very honoured to have shared these secrets with you. I hope your love life blossoms and that you find your soulmate and achieve the unconditional love, safety and security that you want and deserve.

Article Source: http://activeauthors.com

Resource box ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ernest Quansah, P.C., L.S.C., is relationship counsellor, TV guest, and an author who specializes in love relationships. He received his counseling training at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada. He is the author of the book How to Identify Your Soulmate. His numerous articles on love relationships, the definition of soulmates, and relationship success have been published worldwide. For more information please visit www.soulmateinfoserve.com. Copyright © Ernest Quansah, 2006.

How to Find Your Soulmate Now (Part One)

2007-03-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

Would you like to find your soulmate? Are you sick and tired of not knowing how to go about it? Finding your soulmate is simple. All you need is the right information and you will be on your way to falling in love. You will be the envy of your friends. There are simple but highly effective steps involved. These steps are designed by relationship counselling psychologists. If you follow these steps taken directly from counselling techniques, your success will be assured. Before the steps are revealed to you, it is important that you understand both the benefits and the facts of a soulmate love relationship.

Benefits: You may have your own reasons for wanting to find your soulmate. For example, is it because you want to achieve lasting love? Could it be because all of your previous relationships have not produced the results you desire? Many experts in the field of soulmate relationships believe that intimacy between soulmate couples feels as though they have connected with a universal power. They live longer, happier and healthier lives. If there is one thing I would like to emphasize it is that love and respect between soulmates is unconditional, something that is very rare these days. I had a physician tell me that in his practise, many of the men told him they are not able to find respect in their relationship, while just as many of the women who come to him say they are unable to find love. This leads me to believe that when there is love in a relationship there is respect and vice versa. The love and respect that soulmates show each other is something that words cannot describe, for it must be experienced personally in order to understand it.

Scientific Facts: According to psychologist Abraham Maslow, all human behaviour is a result of one or more needs. Although he listed five needs in all, we are going to focus on two of them as they relate to this article. The first need is social. Humans need love, affection, compassion and acceptance. They are what many desire most in their love lives. One of the reasons that people search for their soulmate is that they want real love, affection and acceptance. Chances are that you may have dated or have been in a relationship where you thought you had found those needs being met only to be let down and have your hopes dashed and your heart broken. Because these needs are a driving force in your life, you continue to search, believing in love just as many people do. If your soulmate has not come yet, don’t let that be a concern. You are not alone.

The second need is for esteem. This is the basic human need for achievement, attention, recognition and respect. Soulmate relationships have been known to boost self-esteem. Soulmates give each other the attention they deserve. They recognize each other as partners and have an incredible amount of respect for each other, whether rich or poor. Soulmate love is unconditional, something that is rare. In fact, one scientific finding stated that dogs love their owner unconditionally. As people, many times we expect something from the opposite sex before we feel we can love the person. You are person with feelings; you deserve to have unconditional love with your soulmate.

Conclusion: Many people just like you are searching for love that will bring them safety and security. For many years you may have tried to find what your heart desires. The most important thing you can do this very minute is to act. You can do that by setting goals. The first may be to find your soulmate. In the part two, later on in this article, I will reveal how highly skilled psychologists and relationship counsellors help their clients set goals using century-old goal setting steps that yield results as easy as one, two, three. So please watch for the last part of this article which will follow one week after the release date of this article.

Article Source: http://activeauthors.com

Are You Ruining Your Relationship?

2007-03-26T07:20:00.000-07:00

By: Cucan Pemo

While most of us would like to think that our failed relationships were caused by someone else, that isn’t necessarily the case. Taking the initiative to consider what you might have done to contribute to the downfall is a great first step towards actually repairing a relationship. Blame doesn’t really help fix a relationship, but taking responsibility for your actions does.

Are you always right?

One of the biggest problems in a problem relationship is the idea that one person is right and the other is wrong. Are you the one that always insists that you are right? If so, you might be harming your relationship more than helping it. By trying to create a right and a wrong party, you are increasing the split in your relationship and probably causing more animosity from your partner.

Solution

The next time you want to point out that you are right about something in an argument or a discussion, stop and count to ten to yourself. This will slow down your brain and take the focus off the moment at hand. In most cases, you will see that saying that you were right probably isn’t going to add to the situation. How would you feel if your partner did the same to you?

Are you unable to let go of the past?

Many women have a terrific memory that can retain old incidents for long periods of time. However, when you constantly bring up old arguments and issues, you aren’t really solving the problem that you are having in the present. You are distracting the discussion from the real issue and hindering any progress.

Solution

When you feel that you want to bring up something from the past, preface what you are saying with, “I’m not sure if this is relevant or not, but let me say this aloud.” This will show how you are thinking about things, but will also admit that you might not be on the correct thought process. After saying what you want to say, then you can say aloud that it’s really not relevant, so it’s not something that needs discussion.

Are you loud when you want to prove your point?

Being louder doesn’t necessarily make you right. When you raise your voice, you tend to forget about the words that you are trying to relate or your partner and your partner may just decide to not listen. Whatever you say might be dismissed as too emotional, rather than anything that might help the argument or discussion at hand.

Solution

There are several things that you can do when you start to feel your volume rise. Many couples like to give each other signals when this is starting to happen, while others find that stopping and breathing a few deep breaths can stop the increased yelling. You can also leave the room for a moment to collect yourself and then try to lower your voice when you return.

Do you accuse them of not doing things right?

It’s really easy to turn every wrongdoing into someone else’s fault when you’re upset or hurt. However, when you begin to blame your partner for everything that is wrong, you are not taking responsibility for your own role in the argument or issue. Accusing someone when you’re upset is usually an accusation without merit.

Solution

It’s best to take your focus off of the person that you are talking with and place it more on the issue at hand. When you start to look at arguments in black and white instead of emotional terms, you will be able to find solutions that don’t hurt each other in the process.

Article Source: http://activeauthors.com

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Compatibility in a Relationship

2007-03-26T07:03:00.000-07:00

By: Brigitte Meier

Harsh words, hurting comments, tears and flying household objects - for sure, no one ever wanted that to be the everyday routine when deciding to live together with the beloved person. Yet, why is this such a common picture, portrayed even in many Hollywood dramas?

Two people meet, they fall in love - that happens, in a multitude of different ways, thousands of times all over the world. Then, if they're lucky and everything goes well, they decide that since they love each other so much, they want to stay together and share a home.

Now, for married as well as unmarried couples, they have to adjust to a new situation: Every-day-life decisions depend on two people's opinions, preferences and wishes instead of one before.

In single life, one's the only instance of decision on what party to go to, when to clean the place, what to wear, what to eat and where to go on holiday. For a divorced person, especially with children, a lot of responsibilities are added. A single parent has to be mother, father and breadwinner, has to take care of education, the children's need for love and all other problems occurring. These responsibilities, if mastered, as well as the comparably easy life of a single person, bring a lot of independence.

And this independence, being an advantage in the situations described above, can turn into a problem when it comes to living together. Suddenly, decisions need to be agreed upon by both parties, and compromises have to be made. Especially in the first time of living together, those incompatibilities can lead to the actions described above.

In the adjustment period, both need to be aware of those possible dangers and respect each other's difficulties in getting along with the new situation. Otherwise, the feeling of love and closeness that originated the wish to live together is bit by bit replaced with a feeling of rejection.

The natural reaction on being criticized, misunderstood or in any other way "attacked" is to defend oneself. If you're used to make decisions alone, without considering another, maybe diverging opinion, you might feel attacked when your partner doesn't share your line of thoughts or wishes. The worst, but unfortunately most common, because instinctively made, reaction is to "fight back".

For example: You want to go to a party. Your partner wants to go out for dinner. So your initial feeling is being "attacked": Why does your partner reject your proposal, what's wrong with it? So the instinctive reaction, from a feeling of frustration and defiance, is to "fight back": A sharp remark, pointed at the partner's proposal and aimed to hurt, seems to be the appropriate reply.

Even if no further fight is following that situation, the feeling remains and the bond between you is weakened. Now, no one would break up because of such a little fight. But it's damaging the bond between you, even just a little bit. And maybe in some years, when responsibilities like an own house and children tie you together, you'll find that the constant damage of these little incompatibilities have left you wondering what made you being together in the first place.

The hideous about this process is that it works so slowly. Human beings have an astonishing ability to get used to situations and, no matter how bad things might actually be, accept them sooner or later as normal. So out of pure habit, we tolerate the incompatibilities we have to build a wall between us instead of stopping, sitting down and sorting things out. When some years of low-level fighting (not bad enough to make you break up, but bad enough to slowly poison your relationship) have passed, it's nearly impossible to fix the damage done and to erase the barriers that have hardened over the time.

In order to avoid a situation where the only alternatives are professional advice or divorce, some guidelines can help keeping things from going that far to the bad side.

Control yourself. By observing your reactions and the resulting tension between you and your partner, you'll be able to easily isolate the kind of feeling that makes you react sharp and hurting. So once you know where your weakness lies, keep yourself from reacting immediately upon those triggers. Think twice, and consider if your ego (nothing else you're pleasing with a sharp reply) is worth hurting your beloved one. In most situations, a second of silence is enough to make you regret the answer you would have given. Don't get it wrong, it doesn't mean you always have to step back. There are situations when a confrontation is necessary - you just have to learn how to distinguish them.

Reflect on your words. Imagine the same situation, just with exchanged roles. Of course, you have to be so fair to admit if you would be hurt in your partner's place. Now that you imagined the impact your reaction would have on yourself, think twice again if it's worth it.

Stay cool. The worst things are said and done in anger. If you focus on what you want to achieve, there is mostly a better way than a violent verbal or even physical reaction. Or do you really think that your partner would give in to you shouting, and even be happy with that?

Be ready to share responsibility. Especially for single parents, it's difficult to get used to trusting someone else again. But without trust, your relationship won't last.

Be realistic. When you move together with another person, that means that your way of life will radically change. Your indepence will be replaced by interdependence: You'll be less on your own, but mostly with our partner. You'll spend less time with our friends and more time together. In result, you'll have to compromise on what you're going to do with your time - the more your interests diverge, the tougher it'll be to find acceptable compromises.

Consider this carefully, and if you think that you're not ready for it, tell your partner - before it's too late.

Article Source: http://activeauthors.com

Brigitte Meier is an occasional author for E-nterests.com. Find some useful beauty & fashion articles here too.

Are You A Control Drama King or Queen?

2007-03-26T06:44:00.000-07:00

By: Melody Chase

What is a Control Drama? A control drama is a way or technique that people use to try to get what they want which is often causes conflict and is usually learned or developed unconsciously. Although the ways that the people are using control dramas may appear to work for them in the moment, often it doesn’t achieve their goals and causes damage in the relationship. More details to come as we get in the article. First however, see if any of the following control dramas are ways or techniques that use you to get what you want in your relationship:

1. Criticism or guilt
2. Charm, gifts, doing stuff for another
3. Crying
4. Yelling or Screaming
5. Threats, verbal or physical
6. Pulling away, shutting down or not talking to your partner
7. Hurting yourself, breaking things (consciously or unconsciously) or throwing things
8. Being nice
9. Giving affection or sex
10. Using security, children, money, relatives, using social pressure, (i.e. what will our friends and family say or think if you don’t do…) or any combination of people, places and things to get what you want.

You may be thinking that some of the examples above are things that people naturally do if they are upset such as crying or yelling, however everything on the list can be forms of control dramas.

Most people who use control dramas do not know of or are not aware of any other ways to get their needs met. Often these techniques are ones people develop in order to get what they want that has been developed or has been passed on from people around them, usually family and relatives.

The majority of the time control dramas are ineffective because it is a form of indirect communication instead of direct communication. Indirect communication is where people don’t say clearly what they think, feel or want but give indirect clues or hints as to what they really feel, think or want where as Direct communication can be defined as people saying upfront and clearly what they think, feel and want.

Other times you may get what you want by using control dramas but at a cost such as upsetting, angering or oppressing your partner by forcing your partner in ways that are not comfortable to them. I.e. yelling, throwing things, crying. If this is the case, in the case of energetics, where ever there is oppression, they will always be resistance, so eventually your partner will start to resist your control dramas whether that is retaliating themselves, emotionally shutting down or leaving the relationship.

To hit these two points home, the following are the effects if you use control dramas in your relationship:

EFFECTS ON YOU IF YOU USE CONTROL DRAMAS:

· You will often not get what you want
· You will feel frustrated
· You will feel disappointed
· You will feel unsupported
· You will feel exhausted from the excursion of energy needed for the control dramas.

EFFECTS ON YOUR PARTNER IF YOU USE CONTROL DRAMAS:

· They will feel burnt out
· They will lose respect for you
· They will begin to think you are exaggerating so they won’t take you seriously like you are “crying wolf”
· They will begin to go on defense like not willing to understand you anymore they will start reacting with their own control dramas.
· They may think you are a “bitch” or a controlling a-hole
· They will regret getting involved with you, if it becomes constant.

EFFECTS ON BOTH OF YOU AS A COUPLE

Both of you will become susceptible to Barbara Deangelis’s 4 Rs known as Resistance, Resentment, Rejection and Repression and what we call in our Love By Design Book, the Great Dividers of Love such as Judgment, Disappointment, Unfulfilled Expectations and Loss of Respect

Both of these types of results can build up in a relationship, making it harder and harder to reconcile the relationship the longer and more often these emotions keep being created.

EFFECTS ON CHILDREN

Your children will learn these control dramas from you and continue using them themselves when they develop relationships, causing the control dramas to be passed down through generations.

So far we have discusses how direct communication highly increases your ability to get what you want and that control dramas can having lasting negative effects on the relationship, finding a more direct, non conflict causing form of communication also increases your ability to find out whether your partner:

1) Understands what your needs are
2) Is unable to meet your needs or
3) Is just not interested in meeting your needs

Therefore a better system than control dramas is needed.
You are reading the right article because the following are 3 ways to really get what you want:

1) Know what you want
2) Know how the communicate it
3) Do not be afraid to directly ask for what you want.

Article Source: http://activeauthors.com

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A Kiss - way to say ‘I Love You’

2007-03-26T05:57:00.000-07:00

By: Marina

A Kiss is a romantic and speechless way to say Love You. Kiss is the way to say that you can’t speak with your partner. It can express our emotion and feeling.
Kiss on the hand - I adore you.
Kiss on the neck - I want you.
Kiss on the cheek - I just want to be friends.
Kiss on the ears - Let's have some fun
Kiss on the lips - I love you.
Kiss on the nose - Let's get silly.
Kiss anywhere else - You're the best.
Where would u prefer to kiss your lover, which indicates your nature?
Eyes- Sincere Stomach- Innovative
Cheeks- Boring Back- Secure
Lips- Romantic Hands- Cute
Neck- Sexy Legs- Dominating
Forehead – Caring Everywhere- Desperate

Kissing should made fun loving game and with different kinds. It would not become boring act of romance. Same kiss same romance, Bring variety of romance in your life with different type of kisses.
Aggressive Kiss- When you kiss your partner, just bite down their lower lip and suck the lower lip.
Butterfly kiss – Bring your face closer to partners face and open and close your eyelids like butterfly.
Cheek Kiss- This is first date kiss, on the cheeks to say ‘I like only you’.
Foot Kiss – Kiss to your partner’s toe, and suck it very gently. Slightly massage the foot, this will generate sensation.
Forehead Kiss – This is kiss to Say that I Care For You. This can say like Mama’s kiss.
French kiss – In this kissing you should be careful, this involves tongue. Pass the breath through the exchange across tongue.
Ice Kiss – Put a ice cube in your mouth and take a kiss of your partner and pass the ice cube in his mouth so on until ice cube melt.
Neck Kiss – Come behind your partner and start kissing on neck, which will generate sensation.
Open Eye Kiss – See love, passion in your partner’s eyes, gently kiss and see in your partner’s eyes.
Wave Kiss – Roll your tongue up, down, like wave while kissing.
Wet Kiss- Rub your wet lips up and down on your partners lips.
Sweet Kiss – Put any sweet candy in your mouth. Pass the candy in your partner’s mouth with your tongue. Until that candy melt then take a French kiss. This will tasty sweet kiss.

Article Source: http://activeauthors.com

Marina John is freelance author who exchange ideas, review in some specific areas as Dating, Romance, Friendship. She has been writing articles for www.freedatingservicesweb.com . For details contact marina at friends.marina@gmail.com

12 Ways to Build Trust in Your Relationship

2007-03-26T05:01:00.000-07:00

By: Cucan Pemo

Trust is one of the building blocks of a healthy and stable relationship. Without it, a relationship crumbles under the weight of suspicion and disrespect. When you’ve had something happen in your relationship or the one prior to your current one, you already know how important it is that you built trust for your security. Here are some ways to add trust to your relationship.

Make sure that what you say is what you’re saying

It takes a lot to hold back some of your opinions sometimes. But when you hold back something important, your partner will see it in your body language. It’s better to tell them what is upsetting you than for them to have to guess what you are trying to tell them – and potentially guessing wrong.

Become more predictable

It’s the sudden changes that can cause even the most calm and centered person to begin to question their partner. If you’re doing something that might be perceived as ‘out of your character,’ realize that you might be causing suspicion. Try to keep your habits and actions fairly predictable so that your partner can assume that everything is okay when your patterns remain the same.

Be open about changes that you are making

But it’s not fair to assume that you will be staying the same all of the time, so it’s best to let your partner know when you are making changes that might seem radical. Starting a new exercise program or changing your overall look might be something that you will want to warn them about – lest they think that you’re primping and preparing your appearance for someone else.

Believe in your partner

A little faith in your partner will go a long way. When you want to build trust in a relationship, you will want to trust your partner as well to make decisions that benefit your relationship as well as your well-being. It isn’t about thinking that your partner can do anything that they put their mind to, but it’s about having the courage to say that you support your partner no matter what they want in their life.

Communicate your needs

What you need will go a long way to showing your partner how much you trust them. By allowing them to see what makes you happy, you are becoming vulnerable to them and to their reactions. They might not like what you’ve decided, though they probably will appreciate the fact that you are telling them what you need from them. Trusting them to listen and to respect these needs will help the favor to be returned.

Be an open book

Keeping secrets is probably one of the worst things you can do for a relationship. You need to be as open as possible in your marriage in order to show that you have nothing to hide. When you’re open, your partner will also feel that they should be open enough to you as well. Small secrets are one thing – gifts, surprises – but when you start to keep some secrets, they might think that you’re hiding other things as well.

Be yourself

You married the person that you are with because of who they are. When they start to act differently, that might make you question what is going on with them. When you want to rebuild the trust in your relationship, try to remember that you don’t want to change or impress them, but you want to show them who you really are so that they can trust that person.

Have your own opinions

It’s interesting that many people believe that agreeing with everyone will make them seem more trustworthy. But like ‘yes men’ in business, those that always agree seem to be lying some of the time. There’s no need to disagree with others, but you should also have your own opinions once in a while.

Establish clear boundaries

Set up boundaries that might allow you to feel more trustful. If your spouse or partner is away, you might establish rules for talking to other women or let them know things that might make you uncomfortable. Share what you need to feel secure in your relationship and ask them to do the same.

Don’t be afraid of success

Realize that you can have an open and honest relationship – it’s not impossible. Too many people dismiss the idea entirely and always look for things to be wrong – however, this leads to distrust as well.

Communicate often

Take the time to talk with each other frequently so that you both know where the other one is at. This will allow you to feel as though there is nothing that you’re not communicating to the other.

Take responsibility

If you keep a secret or lie, take responsibility for your blunder. People make mistakes, but owning up to them makes you better for it.

Article Source: http://activeauthors.com

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10 Incredible Ways to Start Creating the Relationship that You Want

2007-03-26T04:42:00.000-07:00

Ask for what you want

Sometimes it’s really as simple as asking your partner for the things you feel are missing. We commonly believe that once we’re in a relationship that our partner will know what we need – after all, the relationship is still working. But people can not be mind readers, so it’s your responsibility to ask for the things that will make you happy.

Be honest

In this assessment of your relationship, you owe it to yourself and to your partner to be honest with each other. While lying can seem like the simple cover-up for problems and other issues, it only complicates the matters and can lead to further problems. What you need to do is trust in each other enough to tell when you need something more and tell them truthfully.

Learn about persuasion

What’s interesting about communication is that there are many ways to go about using it. Persuasion is an effective discipline for helping a couple learn the art of negotiating with each other in order to create a healthy relationship. Instead of focusing on one person who is right and another person who is wrong, persuasion allows you both to demonstrate your ideas and your goals and then creating a plan to achieve them.
Approach your relationship like a business

While this sounds unromantic, the idea of looking at your relationship as a business is a worthwhile process. By creating an overall goal (or mission statement) for your relationship, you can start to make decisions based on this overall idea. And the idea can guide your future together.

Compromise works

You can’t always get what you want – it’s the truth. But what you can do is learn what is important to you in a relationship and what is not. Sometimes compromising isn’t such a bad thing. When you allow your relationship to have the things it needs, that’s the main point. You don’t need to always get your way when the relationship is nurtured by an action.

Get to know each other

A lot of times, we forget that we grow and change over our lives, and thus assume that our partners will always be the way that they’ve always been. However, when you want to help strengthen your relationship, you will want to look at your partner again to see what has change and what you can learn. You might be surprised at what you find.

Leave the house

Often, couples can become stuck in their homes and their routines, forgetting that life is just waiting for them to experience it. Why not try getting out once in a while? Couples that make the effort to leave their familiar surroundings once in a while are often happier in their relationship because they allow themselves to have a new perspective.

Try something new

Like heading out of the house, trying something new can create a new dimension to your relationship. By simply signing up for a new class or trying out a new exercise routine can help to bring you both together. Since you’ll have to learn this new activity together, you will be able to learn about how your partner deals with the process and watch them blossom into understanding.

Remembering the good

When we focus too much on the things that we don’t like about our relationship, we start to see only the bad. But when we try to focus more on the good stuff, we’ll see more of the good. What you need to do is start to create an optimistic attitude about your relationship. Try to think about things that are good about your partner first before you start criticizing the negative.

Forget the advice of others

But in the end, it’s not about what everyone wants you to do; it’s what will work for your relationship. Don’t hold yourself up to someone else’s standards – find what makes you happy and then do that.

Article Source: http://activeauthors.com

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